I know, I know. Only crazy people say things like that. Hear me out...
I screwed up this past weekend. Friday night I had my cheat meal. I went with the family to The Olive Garden. I ate way past the point of feeling a "healthy" full. I ate a lot. I ate so much that on the way home I thought I was going to lose my meal all over my steering wheel. Thankfully I made it home, where I promptly rolled into bed, moaned about how stupid I was to eat that much, until I fell asleep.
The next morning I was still not feeling that great. I blame the cream soup, white flour pasta and massive amount of breadsticks I ate. Even on previous cheat meals, I've stayed somewhat healthy. The healthiest thing about this meal was the creamy italian drenched salad I had. I decided that Saturday morning, that I don't care how good of an idea it seems a the time, I was not having any more cheat meals like that.
I ate well the rest of the day, but I had horrible cravings for horrible food. I haven't had any cravings for bad food before this point in the challenge. And then at about 4pm while I was preparing to leave my aunt and uncles house, I decided to give in to the craving. I decided I was going to go to Taco Bell for dinner. I've been doing so well, I deserved it right?
Somehow between putting on my scarf and coat, my aunt invited me to stay for dinner. She'd even make a meal I could eat, stir fry with brown rice and lots of fresh veggies. The angel on my shoulder rejoiced that I was being presented a pretty great "out" from eating Taco Bell. The devil on my other shoulder, he was kind of annoyed. I stayed though, and I was thankful for the save. However, as I ate my (delicious) stir fry, I formed a plan in my mind that I would still go to Taco Bell after this, only instead of a whole meal, I would just get nachos.
I am ashamed to admit that I followed through with that plan. Except once in the drive thru I actually ordered 2 orders of nachos. And I ate them all. I instantly felt that sick feeling you get when you've been eating so well and then stuff a bunch of processed crap in your gullet. Again, I went to bed and moaned at my idiocy until I fell to sleep.
I woke up on Super Bowl Sunday determined to do better. I was back at my aunt and uncles that evening for the game. My aunt was so great, she had trays of veggies and fresh fruit as great options for me, along with the other foods. And I did pretty well. Until it came time for my last snack of the day. I went into the kitchen ready to pile on the veggies and fruit, when what did my wandering eye see? A massive pile of taquitos. And buffalo chicken dip. And crackers! Chips and guac! I hesitantly made my way to the fresh fruit. I ate a couple strawberries and grapes. That guac sure looked good. And it was just onions and avocados and salt, I had watched my uncle make it. So I grabbed a chip (instead of just eating it with veggies as I should have done) and tried it.
Countless chips and guac, triscuits and chicken dip and taquitos later, I was definitely in a state of loathing myself. I was thinking things like "obviously I can't do this challenge. I'm such a failure" and "who are you trying to kid eating like you've been eating? just give it up and eat what you want".
I drove home after the game completely disgusted with myself. I had been doing so great up until this point. I thought about contacting a couple of my team members, but I was just too embarrassed to reach out. *DANGER! DON'T ISOLATE YOURSELF!* kept flashing through my mind, but the shame was just too strong. I went home and went to bed, completely defeated.
I woke up this morning and the first thought I had was of a quote I pinned on Pinterest (see below). I instantly felt encouraged and strengthened to keep going. So I messed up. Big deal. I'm human and we tend to do that from time to time. There is no shame in it, so long as you don't stay in that place.
I am happy to report that I am 100% back in the game today. And boy does it feel great! So yes, I am happy for Mondays, for new beginnings, for fresh starts and second chances. Bring it on life, I'm ready!
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